I
Internet
Inter net
In ter net
In her net
I sink, I find
Myself after long nights
Staring at photos
II
A play should consist of acts
Actors
Sets
Dialogue
Scripts
Audience
Internet has some, but not all
Of that
III
Meet the stars of the play
Of the interplay
Of the internet
Avatars all
(and really, who uses their
Real picture anyway?
IV
Someone
said
“Let
there be no love poems until
There
is justice between the races”
And
someone else said “At night, alone,
I
marry the bed”
And
yet another someone said “I am Dionysus, son of Zeus, come to
Thebes,
where my mother gave me birth, struck by lightning.”
V
This
is where the audience applauds.
VI
The
last century saw wars, famines, genocides, religious intolerance and wholesale
murder of entire groups of people. And they had the telegraph, the telephone,
the moving picture, the still picture, radio, and television. You really think
an email sent just in time can stop a war?
VII
Isn’t
it nice to think so?
VIII
I’m Henry the Eighth I am
I got married to the widow next door,
she’d been married seven times before
And every one was a Henry
(Hmm, makes you wonder
Why men keep marrying her
And why they keep turning out dead
It wasn’t a rock, it was a rock lobster!
IX
Now comes the part when I confess
Roman numerals past this point are
confusing
So I’d better make this count
A conversation is a conversation is a
conversation
Did I mention?
“A Poem for Speculative Hipsters”
Preach on, Baraka
Blast manifesto
Blast the manifesto
Blast the man with your festo
Fist-o
X
Okay,
after this point we’ll be taking
Suggestions
from the audience
Improv,
improve, im-prove
Mindless
chatter of the mindless classes
Autocorrect
my spelling, spilling
Aught
to correct Mickey Spillane
Puns,
puns, puns
No
fun (said Iggy, circa 1969
Ten
years before I was born
I
like old stuff, I make no apologies
Hipster
before there was hipster
And
now my hips are old
Puns,
puns, puns
Crisis
in the Middle East
Scott
Walker in the Middle West
The
Duggars breeding like rabbits
XI
Is
it unfair that I’m creeped out by them? No one talks about how such a religious
family fucked their way to TV fame, but seriously? Why do we assign morality to
celebrity? Aren’t the two mutually exclusive? If Tim Tebow could throw a
forward pass, would it matter how much he dry-humps Jesus? As I write this,
“the world is waiting for William and Kate to have their next child.” I crank
up “God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols, constitutional monarchy means “the
royals are figureheads” so who gives a shit?
XII
Truth
or dare
Dare
I
dare you to speak the truth
Puns,
puns, puns
Truth
is, I’m not a poet
Bet
you didn’t know that
Love
poems, love poems, I love poems
Just
can’t write them
See
what I mean?
Sacred
Profanity
Profane
Scarcity
I
would love to be in love
Or
at least in like
Online,
on the line
Line
on you, girl, hypothetical
XIII(?)
Love
is lovers love to lovers love
Meanwhile,
back at the ranch
See
you on the flip side
The
Cool Side
Standing
alone at the dance, watching the girls dance
I
have no business dancing
I
have no business writing poetry
I
have no business writing poetry about dancing
I
have no business dancing about poetry
“Dancing
About Poetry”
Hmm,
sounds like a title
14
Christ
the redeemer
Christ,
the redeemer
Christ,
it’s the redeemer
Sacred
profane puns, puns, puns
Love
to love you, baby
In
my head, I’m Marvin Gaye, singing “Let’s Get It On”
To
a girl, any girl
In
reality, online, looking at her pic
I
wonder if she likes or tolerates me
Or
if she even knows who Marvin Gaye is
15
This
was going to be a lot shorter and less neurotic
16
But
poetry should kill, poems should kill
In
the name of love?
Sure,
why not
Or
maybe love in the name of killing?
Nah,
Manson-esque
Girls,
girls, girls
How
did Motley Crue get in here?
Well,
while they’re here, confession time:
I
used to want to grow up to be Slash
Or
Sambora, or somebody with long hair and who could play
Guitar
Girls,
girls, girls,
They
seemed to like those guys when I was growing up
17
Never
mind I don’t like to let my hair grow out,
Nor
can I play any instrument
18
Have
I mentioned this was supposed to be shorter?
19
Like,
two pages, tops
20
In
the grand scheme of things, I can’t complain. I grew up not knowing my father,
but my mom did a great job and my grandparents were there to help. I was not
neglected, molested, abandoned, or rejected to any significant degree from my
family. So how can I be a great writer? I know alcoholism runs in the family,
but knowing is half the battle. I have spent time working enough customer
service jobs to know I don’t want to work in customer service anymore. I’ve
come close but never quite achieved deep and lasting love with a woman. I had
acne in middle school. Girls don’t like pizza-faces. I’m still aware of
lingering doubts about my ability to attract a mate, in my own mind. I’m funny,
which is a help, but sometimes I’m too funny. Women I like might not take me
seriously. Online connections are great, but I could go for the real-life ones
if I weren’t so shy. Terrified. Convinced I’ll fuck it up somehow.
21
By
the way, notice I switched away from Roman numerals?
22
Catch-22, Yossarian Lives
23
A
friend of mine said online
The
Roman Empire fell because they
Put
Christians in charge
I’m
tempted to reply that the Goths had more to do with it
So
we should keep our eyes on Hot Topic employees
And
Robert Smith from The Cure
24
I
have fears that I’m more interesting online
25
This
is where the audience applauds and leaves, satisfied with another great
performance onstage
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