As I've said before, I'm not a musician. I'd love to be able to play an instrument or sing (or both), but my best efforts at either endeavor have drawn more attention for their lack of what most people call "talent" than anything else. Granted, I can flatter myself that, in my head at least, it sounds exactly like what I'd like it to sound like. But chances are that the best I can manage is some sort of "American Idol" what-the-hell audition-quality performance. I'm no William Hung, but I might not be far off.
That said, I do have some small music-performance triumphs in my past. When I was in my teens, I located an old drum set that had belonged to one of my uncles and set it up on the hill in the backyard of my grandparents' home. I could keep a decent beat so long as I was playing the same beat (it sounded that way to me, anyway), and to this day I find myself drumming along to whatever song is playing in my head (it must sound like a cacophany to anyone around me). Also, a few nights back I could've sworn that I plucked out the last mournful part of the melody of the 400 Blows theme at the beginning of the film, on my cousin Sebastian's guitar. Seb is eight, by the way, and his guitar looks more like a ukelele. But still...I think it sounded close to what you hear as the opening credits fade and Truffaut's masterpiece starts up. Someday I might have a go at replicating the theme to The Third Man on guitar, that already sounds weird enough for me to manage.
But when my niece was born, in an attempt to bond with her or put her to sleep one day (I can't remember which), the song "Surfing Bird" (or "Surfin' Bird," as it's also known) got stuck in my head so I started singing it to her. It kinda became our song, because every time after that when I wanted to get an easy laugh from her, I'd start doing the "papa-ooh-maw-maw" and watch her giggle and smile at her tone-deaf uncle trying to sing the Trashmen's classic ode to avian water-sports. Of course, the song became part of the single greatest first act of any Family Guy episode, when Peter tortured his family by playing the song at all hours until Stewie and Brian couldn't take it anymore. So I'm in pretty good company.
The Ramones were the best of America's pure punk bands (and the fact that three-fourths of them are dead is not comforting unless you consider that God might want one hell of a band in heaven), and on their album Rocket to Russia they cover "Surfing Bird." I had to buy this album when I saw it on the track listing. Had to. The Ramones have a pretty good track record with covers ("Needles and Pins" never sounded better, and Joey's cover of "What a Wonderful World" might be the best version), and "Surfing Bird" doesn't disappoint. It's just a fun, goofy, stupid-ass song that works wonderfully either as a punk band's "are they joking?" album ender or for a musicially-challenged uncle trying to entertain his beautiful niece.
Some of these song reviews are about serious songs, or "serious songs"; there's nothing serious about "Surfing Bird," no hidden meanings or messages (it's a song about a surfing bird, for Pete's sake). But for dumb no-thinking fun, it's hard to beat (though the B-52's "Rock Lobster" deserves a mention, as it was also central to a great Family Guy moment). Yeah, I can't play any instrument, and my singing would make deaf people cringe and run for cover. But my niece seems to like it just fine when I start asking if she's heard that the bird is the word, and sometimes that's more than enough.
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