Yesterday, I was thinking about how I've only been updating this with serious stuff (American Sniper, gun violence, etc.) and thought "hey, let's lighten the mood a bit. So I humbly present to you my list of various pop-culture things that I'm guessing I'll never really be into. Because, well, it beats talking about Bill Belichick's deflated balls.
Harry Potter: Let me preface this by saying that, many years ago, I checked out Finnegan's Wake from my local library because 1.) I was shocked that they had something by any author not named "James Patterson" in the fiction section and 2.) I was under the impression that James Joyce might be an author I need to read if I want to understand the "human condition" and Modernism. I got a page and a half into that unholy mess before throwing up my hands in defeat. Similarly, I went with my aunt to the movie theater, she wanted to see whichever Harry Potter movie was out at the time (the one where Dumbledore dies at the end, if you're wondering) and I wanted to see something else that actually wasn't starting anytime soon, so I ended up watching Harry and his friends alongside her. I couldn't tell you what the hell happened in that movie. I am aware of this Harry Potter fellow, of course, and I know basic things about him (he looks like me when I was twelve and first got glasses, he's into magic, there are scarves involved) but that's about it. I feel at a loss when people a little younger (okay, a lot younger) than me in the MAE program start talking about him like an old friend who helped them get through childhood. I'm never going to read the books, probably. I appreciate that it's better overall than the sick and twisted crap that is Twilight in terms of "things geared towards younger audiences," but I feel like I was too old to get into HP when the books first started coming out. Razz-ma-tazz all you want, I ain't getting on the train to that magic school.
The Godfather Trilogy: I've seen all three of these movies, so my "getting into" them is purely a choice I made after considering all that there was to each film. Truthfully, Goodfellas is better, I feel like Michael Corleone is a glorified heel. Much like Peter Griffin, I did not care for these films. That being said, I understand their importance in the history of American cinema (well, the first two anyway), and I acknowledge that, filmmaking-wise, they're beatifully crafted. But emotionally engaging? Not for me. Coppola made the all-time best movie about the Vietnam War (through the lens of Heart of Darkness). Apocalypse Now is an unholy mess of a film, but then Vietnam was an unholy mess of a war. Good guys and bad guys? Shit, they've all got something that they're running towards or from. But the Corleones are cardboard compared to Willard and Kurtz. I've seen all three films (I saw the third one first, which might have ruined me on the previous two installments), and I'm left with nothing but a hollow "appreciation" of the films as art but no connection to them whatsoever.
Modern Country Music: Also known as "post-Garth Brooks populist clap-trap that has nothing of value to say and is as empty and soul-less as modern post-Tupac rap." So of course every girl I know loves this crap. I'll take Johnny Cash any day over Florida-Georgia Line.
Dr. Who: Now, this is one that, by all rights, I should be into. I have a grudging accpetance of sci-fi as a legitmate avenue for cultural expression, albeit one that often falls into the "hey, look at this cool effect" school of film-making (or literature). There's over fifty years of mythology to sort through and I can't say that I am up for the challenge. I may eventually get on board with this, but for the time being I'm content to keep confusing Dr. Who with The Who (the greatest rock band of all time).
Modern-day video games: I used to be a "gamer," back when those games involved an Italian plumber navigating a series of ladders while an angry gorilla threw barrels at him. I understand that gaming is now much more intensive than that, and I respect those for whom such ideas as an all-weekend-binge of role-playing games sounds like a fun time. But I don't feel like investing in any modern gaming systems myself. Just passed me by, I guess (though I'm always down for a multi-player round of GoldenEye in the various locales and with rocket launchers).
Vampire/Zombie/Vampire-Zombie Cinema/Literature/Games: Every few years, there's a horror-inspired craze that takes over the entertainment world (to whit: not only did someone write a book about Honest Abe killing vampires, they made a movie about that book as well). I respect that the marketplace is driven by ideas, even if those ideas are done to death (notable bright side to all the zombie nonsense: Shaun Of the Dead). I remember seeing bookshelves littered with variations of the Pride & Prejudice & Zombies template a few years back, none of them enticing (come to think of it, P&P&Z was kinda awful). No thank you.
Soccer: It may be the most popular game in the world, but every time I've watched it (on TV, or when some of my young cousins were playing on soccer teams), I've been bored stiff. Sorry.
Hockey: Ditto.
My favorite bands getting back together for a reunion tour: This is not always a bad idea, but it rarely does more than remind me how much better a lead singer was in his twenties or thirties (now that he's pushing AARP age and I'm wincing as he tries to make a song that was relevant back in the Eighties or whenever "come alive" in the modern day). I saw the best bands of generations previous to my own destroyed by nostalgia, and madness.
The NFL, after all the crap this past season: I'm done with watching the games all the way through anymore, or giving a damn. Roger Goodell being disembowled on live TV after the Super Bowl couldn't get me back into my pre-Ray Rice level of excitement for the sport. I'm not a complete automaton; I'll still tune in from time to time (especially if it's the Giants). But as far as giving a crap, I think I'm done with that.
Golf: Whether playing it (which I did once) or watching it on TV (only on summer afternoons when there was nothing else on), I've never been bowled over by golf. It's not a sport; it's an excuse for white dudes to get away from the wife for an afternoon (but not involving something like strippers or drugs, so less fun).
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