Fun., "Carry On"

There are songs that you like because they're sad and you (as a reasonably well-adjusted and happy individual) can laugh them off because, well, it's not about you. Then there are songs that you hate because they're so damn cheery and you're miserable enough without being reminded that somewhere, in some place, someone is having way more fun than you. Then there are songs that, when you're in a lousy mood but not in a cutting-my-wrists-to-Radiohead way, can promise that, whatever the trials and tribulations you go through, tomorrow is just around the corner. And sometimes, they come from the most unlikely sources.

Fun. were not much "fun" to my ears after being subjected to the far-too-many-times-on-the-damn-radio frequent airplay of "We Are Young" (a song that until recently I still didn't like, though time has passed and I appreciate the song a bit now that it's not every damn where). I wasn't too sure about "Some Nights", though I thought it was weird using Civil War imagery (as a "War Between the States" aficionado, I do like a good ole fashioned shoot-out between Blue and Gray). But their most recent single, "Carry On," kinda hits for me right now.

I won't go into it here, because some things are not fodder for "Trevor's gonna blog about it!" Some things just are, and as Jimmy Buffett once said, it's my own damn fault. But anyway, I can say that, in the past, I have had many, many, many crappy times where music has helped me through, and this is one of thoses.

While I won't talk about the specifics of what I won't talk about (trust me on this one), I will generally allude to the growing sense of unease as I pass from my early thirties towards something that I grew up believing was supposed to be "grown-up life." When I was young (no, that wasn't a cue for that song), I thought that age brought maturity, responsiblity taking over for fun times, the assurance that somewhere out there was a life that you could live and look back on and say "that was like a movie." Perhaps it was the Reagan Era's version of "Good Feelings," that as long as you had money and stuff you'd be alright. I know people who still cling to those notions, and while I don't begrudge them much their money or stuff, I do know that often times happiness doesn't come with a price tag (at least not an actual price tag).

But as I've gotten older, my "wiser" quotient seems to fluctuate between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as a punk-ass wannabe Jedi. And when I fuck up, my go-to response of humor doesn't quite cut it anymore. At least not with the people who matter.

Bad times, yes, but they will pass, maybe not today or tomorrow, but they will. I think my worst time as a person was after I got fired from my library job. I didn't have a breakdown per se, but anyone who knew me back then would probably say I was "worrisome" at the least. But I got up each morning out of bed, went looking for a job, found two jobs, and have managed somehow not to screw up majorly. A little here and there minor screw-ups, but nothing major.

I would say to anyone reading this, if you're down and weary: this too will pass. I think it's fair to say that bad times exist to remind us to cherish those fleeting "good times" we have, those that get us through when everything seems against us or we're not sure what to do because nothing has seemed to work so far. It's not what happens to you but how you deal with it that defines you. Granted, I'm pretty crappy at dealing with some things (there I go, alluding to "it." No, I won't say what "it" is). But I'd like to think that I can do better. I'm working on it, reading lots of books about how to live. Two of them by Phil Jackson, of all people (if you haven't read Eleven Rings or Sacred Hoops, do so now. Though a lot of Hoops is covered by the first few chapters in Rings, you still get a good reading experience). Perhaps I can make amends someday, perhaps not. But I will carry on.